Archive for December 2014

These Nannies   2 comments

Today is an important date, December 18.  Important to me at least.  The best thing that ever happened to me walked through a door ten years ago today, and changed my life.  I dare say saved my life.

See, I was serving myself a Heineken behind a bar in the small town where I grew up.  My brother, the legitimate bartender, was sitting on a stool chatting with the waitress at the far end of the bar.  No one else was at this establishment, it was late and it’s a quiet town, as I said.  Just before my brother was about to shut the lights off, three girls walked in.  Before the door shut behind them, my brother leaned over to me and said “Tell these three nannies they get one round and they’re done, I want to go home.”  He made reference to “nannies” because he didn’t recognize them, they were young and pretty, and well, we knew everyone in this town…so what else could they be besides lost, or nannies, or both.

The gig was up that I was not the “true” bartender once the girls ordered their “only” round.  I had no idea which cooler the Bud Lights were kept in…I only knew where the Heinekens were.  So when they ordered foreign-to-me beers, I had to ask my brother…um, excuse me buddy sitting on the stool, if you were Bud Light, which cooler would you be in?  The ruse was further foiled when I didn’t know how much to charge them, nor did I know how to operate the vintage cash register once they handed me a $20 bill.  I went from “good looking” and “cool” bartender guy to an “ugly loser” with no friends to drink with on a Saturday night, in a flash.

I had one last trick up my sleeve.  As it was late in the evening, and this indeed would be the last round for the lassies, I knew of yet another “after hours” establishment that served nannies and fake bartenders into the wee hours.  I chatted them up enough that they agreed to join me at this last chance saloon.  I decided on the nanny playing hard to get, you know, the one not really interested in talking to me, can I say ignoring me?  That was the one for me.  I don’t know if it was the way she expressed “I’m not interested in you” or whether the way she flipped her hair and said “NO” when I asked for her number…maybe it was a combination of those things, but whatever it was, it worked.  Thankfully her girlfriend, whom she doesn’t speak with anymore, probably because of what this girl was about to do, gave me her number anyway on a cocktail napkin.  Perfect.

So the night came to an end and we parted ways. I said goodbye, she said…nothing and left.  That was it for me.  I was smitten I tell you.  I managed to get this nanny on the phone the next day.  She barely agreed to a first date.  Where do you go on a first date, I ask?  Why, to a terrible movie of course!  Spanglish it is folks.

The rest, as they say, is history.  For the record, she was never a nanny.  I called her Corporate Lauren for a while (I guess because she had a real job, whatever they are).  Now I just call her honey.

To my love, with all my heart, thank you for staying through the bad times as you promised you would on the altar those many years ago, and here’s to honoring you with nothing but good times ahead.

Posted December 18, 2014 by mayday76 in Uncategorized